1. My Shirt Chokes Me During Tiring Met-cons
When I’m in the 5th minute of a WOD and I’m kipping and snatching my brains out, the last thing I want to be thinking of is the tri-blend shirt-noose that’s aggressively massaging me into asphyxiation. To be sure, I enjoy breathing. I also prefer exercising intensely with a maximal amount of oxygen coursing to my cerebrum. Tossing the shirt into the bleachers makes keeping the ol’ trachea highway traffic-free just a bit easier.
2. You Have to “Go Hard” When Your Shirt’s Off
If you take your shirt off in the gym, you’re gonna draw looks. Period. Maybe because you’re smelling like last night’s tamales, maybe because you have the curious body type of a conehead, or maybe because you suddenly are storming around wide-winged like Jax from Sons of Anarchy – regardless of reason, the eyes are on you.
While many struggle with motivating themselves and getting amped up enough to put their best effort forward on a daily basis, a shirtless individual cannot relate to these struggles. A shirtless individual’s most lackluster effort resembles a shirted individual’s personal storming of Normandy. It is relentless, passionate, and sometimes even over-bearing.
Simply put, when the t-shirt goes to the ground, you may as well be throwing down the gauntlet. Game on. Time to PR. Doing a casual set of bicep curls or air squats is simply out of the question. You’ve just made a public service announcement that you’re going to workout till you pass out. Bystanders be at the ready — this dude is going HAM!
3. I’m a Devout Practitioner of Shirtless Meditation
As an unofficial leader in the neo-transcendental religion of shirtless meditation, I find it my daily duty to remind possible parishioners of how liberating and sacred it is to bestow your skin whilst in the throes of deep training practice. The shirt, it seems, is yet one more barrier between our souls and the Mighty One above. Simple removal of your top layer of fabric is like instantly climbing a few steps closer to nirvana. It’s like a cheaper version of tithing with an ancillary benefit that you get to see where your money’s going.
If you’re interested in learning more or joining this shirtless movement, click here.
4. It Helps Me Strike Fear into the Barbell
A heavy barbell can be a daunting thing. Load 300+ lbs onto some iron and a perfect storm of self-doubt and defeatist thinking is liable to start brewing inside your loins.
By taking your shirt off and bearing it all, you’re letting the barbell know that you are not intimidated by its placid, faceless mocking. While some people may scoff at this personification of a barbell, I assure you those people have never encountered and/or experienced a heavy clean & jerk crushing their spirit and landing on top of and perpendicular to their windpipe.
In fact, they’ve probably never even done a clean & jerk.
Maybe they’ve never seen a barbell.
Then again, it’s not about them. It’s about the barbell.
Take the shirt off, make the bar whimper.
5. Going Shirtless Keeps Me Young
I was born naked and free. And, as every minute passes in my life, society tries to dress me up, smite out my childish spirit, and dampen the joy naturally effervescing from my pores. Tossing my American Apparel to the wind allows me to reconnect with the infinitely optimistic Power Ranger inside me and channel their rainbow super strength to dominate in my workouts. Just as the application of some moisturizing creams are advertised to “take 10 years off your face,” stripping your bod of shirtly bondage immediately takes 20 years off your mind.
Be youthful, my friend. It’s Morphin Time!