THE DARK SIDE: Top 6 Reasons to NOT Get Involved with CrossFit

by nwilmoth | March 28, 2016 2:00 am

THE DARK SIDE:  Top 6 Reasons to NOT Get Involved with CrossFit[1]

The universal benefits of CrossFit are no secret.

Box walls are packed tightly with men and women from all ages and walks of life who have heard about the teachings — I mean, benefits — of this comprehensive system of elite fitness. What brings them inside are the aspirations of becoming strong, fit and healthy.

CrossFit has a darker side, however, of which you might not be aware; before you make up your mind about joining the ranks, let’s take a look at the top reasons why one should think twice before getting involved.

1. You will become a clone.

[Y]ou will likely begin to select your daily appearance based upon box fodder, carefully choosing outside-of-gym clothing so that it eases into your WOD clothing.
From the cute bun loosely fastened at the back of your head and covered with an obnoxiously-colored super wide headband to the overtly fuzzy puff of facial hair trying to launch itself from your chin all the way down to the trendy, colorful and expensive ZERO shoes guaranteed to make you lift better, it is almost a certainty that you will be assimilated into a culture of Borg-like creatures. In fact, you will likely begin to select your daily appearance based upon box fodder, carefully choosing outside-of-gym clothing so that it eases into your WOD clothing. Lifting shoes, headbands, popular brand-name bun huggers and capris, tanks sporting images of barbells, kettlebells, skulls, American Flags — all with cute innuendos talking about popular lifts or movements — knee sleeves, gloves, socks …they all begin to look alike. If you value your individuality and those things that make you special, this may not be for you!

2. You learn to speak a new primary language.

You learn to speak a new primary language.[2]

I’m just going to say that if you enjoy speaking words of familiarity and customary to your native tongue, you may not be ready for this endeavor. Not only will you become proficient in terms like WOD, snatch, metcon, leaderboard, Paleo, PR, rolling, and other box-specific words, but also you will find yourself engaged in conversations on these topics ad nauseum no matter your whereabouts! Everything you see and do will revolve around this new language and all it encompasses.

3. You may become OCD in everything you eat.

If you enjoy eating in a way that YOU enjoy, you may find yourself “in the closet” with your old habits. Box fodder often rave about their “pre-” and “post-” WOD proprietary blends, multi-level marketing elixirs, special bars, powders and shakes, and amazing one-of-a-kind Paleo muffins. Oh yeah, and bacon. This gets so overwhelming at times that one may simply slither away to their car after a WOD, eating their 2/$2 protein bars and coconut water in secrecy.

4. You will want to wear skinny jeans.

You will want to wear skinny jeans.[3]

Do NOT start if you do NOT want strong legs…
I’m not saying you cannot wear skinny jeans, but if they fit you, it is likely that you are not doing your workouts right. Jeans get tighter in the thighs and loose in the waist. This is a generally accepted practice because nearly everyone becomes QUADZILLA. Do NOT start if you do NOT want strong legs…often mislabeled as “big” thighs!

5. Every conversation is centered around yours or someone else’s workout: past, current, future.

If you don’t want the topic of conversation to be about everything CrossFit, don’t get involved. Period.

6. You desire a life outside of the box.

Every decision you make revolves around the box’s schedule, class times, open gym, competitions, OLY and hanging out with your new “cult[4].” Your box peers will begin to term you a “traitor” if you do something with your real family such as hiking or camping. Hell, even hanging out and watching movies all weekend with your fam is reason enough for the upper echelon to initiate the “launch” sequence! A life outside of CrossFit is not commonly held as reasonable and customary. If you have a life and want to continue having a life, stepping into this fire may get you burned.

Tags: Contributor Network[5], cult[4]
Endnotes:
  1. [Image]: http://www.tabatatimes.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/article_590_one50.jpg
  2. [Image]: http://www.tabatatimes.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/article_590_mx4.jpg
  3. [Image]: http://www.tabatatimes.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/article_590_rk37.jpg
  4. cult: http://www.tabatatimes.com/the-cult-thats-shaping-the-world/
  5. Contributor Network: http://www.tabatatimes.com/category/all_posts/columns/contributor-network/

Source URL: http://www.tabatatimes.com/darkside-top-6-reasons-not-get-involved-crossfit/