How to get Awesome at CrossFit

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by Tommy Caldwell

My name is Tommy Caldwell and I’m the owner of Hybrid Fitness. Here at Hybrid we run one of the top CrossFit programs in the country, and for the last 2 years I have participated in the CrossFit Open even though I am not a CrossFitter. We have a fairly large, enthusiastic community here to go along with our fantastic program directors, and although I am not a CrossFitter at heart, I like to think I’ve learned a thing or two in my ‘open and a half’ (that I have competed in to show my support for our top notch program.) The following is a list of ‘keys to success’ that I have picked up by observing our little CrossFit community over this period of time, and the combination of these 10 ‘things’ are what I believe make up the ultimate guide to CrossFit supremacy.

#1 always stay at the gym

No, not to continue training- but just to hang out, talk, roll, and loiter. If you don’t have anything else important to do, DO NOT GO HOME. It is essential that you spend as much time as you can hanging around the gym, even if you aren’t training 90% of the time.

#2 don’t leave without discussing the accomplished ‘WOD’ with other members

Remember that ‘WOD’ we just crushed? Let’s talk about it for a while. How you did, how I did… how painful it was. Any sort of conversation revolving around the workout we just did is appropriate post training banter. #3 Wear lots of Rogue apparel as well as other CrossFit reppin’ brands

If you look good you feel good, and if you feel good you do good. In CrossFit if you look CrossFit you feel CrossFit, and if you feel CrossFit you’ll crush CrossFit. If you aren’t wearing Rogue, Again Faster, Wodkilla, or another prominent Crossfit clothing supplier, you are not tapping into your full thread advantage.

#4 warm up with your own music

Every training session demands the utmost preparation and mental resilience. This requires a pair of Dre Beats and a top 40 playlist of Jay-Z, Eminem’s terrible new album and Carly Rae Jepson. Plus, if people see you in the zone with your own personal warm up music, they will know how sick you are.

#5 Straps, Wraps, Bands, and Belts

Every piece of flare you can add to your attire is an opportunity to add a distinct advantage to your CrossFit arsenal. Make sure to train with at least every joint covered by knee sleeves, wristbands, arm sleeves, belts, headbands, and skins. This is also another opportunity to let people know how serious you are about performance.

#6 Shirts Optional

Remember two seconds ago when I said that the more gear you wear the greater your advantage? Well that doesn’t go for shirts. You can wear 10 lbs. of straps and wraps and it will work to your advantage, but the same can’t be said when it comes to wearing your shirt. I’m not sure what the science is behind it but wearing a shirt significantly decreases performance, so don’t you dare wear one.

#7 Social Media reserved for the open

Social Media is usually utilized for pictures of you training at the gym, pictures of you about to go to the gym, pictures of you in the gym bathroom mirror, or status updates about going to or leaving the gym.

Now your social media outlets are reserved for letting the world know what happens in each of the 5 open workouts. Did you tear your hand? Post it. Did you kill it? Post it. Are super pumped that there are wall balls this week? Post it. Whatever you post, just make sure it includes some aspect of your anticipation or completion of .1 to .5

#8 Scream to indicate your level of effort

People may know that you are trying really hard in your workout, but you don’t want to leave the door open for any doubters. The louder you can grunt, scream, or shriek the more likely people are to know how hard you are trying. In a world where effort matters most you must make sure to scream the fuck out of your WOD’s as to not leave any room for effort interpretation. The more sexual similarities you can parallel in your grunts, the better.

#9 don’t forget your gainz

If you don’t have a post workout shake on hand of recovery supplements directly after your training session it is obvious that you aren’t taking this shit seriously. It is also recommended to just bring your entire 5lb post workout jug to the gym instead investing the 5 seconds it takes to put a a scoop into a drinking container before you leave the house. If you’re really serious you will leave the jug at the gym.

#10- it doesn’t count if you don’t collapse

The most notorious signal of an awesome CrossFit workout is universally expressed by rolling around on the floor like you are on fire after your WOD. Rolling around on the floor not only removes any possibility of another gym goer questioning how hard you tried in your workout, but it also picks up hair and dust from the gym floor- which is much appreciated. It is truly amazing that every single CrossFitter in the world manages to finish each of their WOD’s just in the ‘nick of time’ before their bodies physiologically shut down and they collapse; much like those little toys that crumble when you push the button in the bottom. But hey, when your life revolves around efficiency and modal domains, you can build accurate timing such as that.

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